Holy S there is a spider on my face
by almost there
Summary: Randome stuff happens to the characters of Harry Potter, what's going on? I am not really sure. Is there a pychiatrist in the house? Read my story to be informed of completely random events that happen to the confused cast of Harry Potter.
1. Random Event one

My first story that is being posted on this site so if there are mistakes I am so sorry, please inform me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lame comedy that is more like a lame story

Ron awoke with a strange sensation, he opened his eyes, and strait above him was a spider a living spider held on some kind of muggle rope. Ron yelped in fear and cowered under the bed sheets yelling, " They're coming for me, I tell you, they are coming for me!! Mercy, Mercy!!!!"

At this Harry came running into the room laughing as if this had even the slightest bit of hilarity in it. " What are you laughing at Buck-o-?" Said Ron in tone of complete hatred and embarrassment.

" Laughing, me, how dare you, why, I was only-" But Ron never heard what was only-, because Hermione came running in the room dressed in her pink fluffy bunny dressing gown and banana slippers. (Muggles, their cloths are just so very repulsive.)

" Let me attem' I can take him, whe- whe- where-" And Hermione fell to the floor, sleeping. Poor Hermione she needed some rest so Harry and Ron silently agreed to pull the badly dressed Hermione back to her room so she could sleep in peace.

" Breakfast!!!!" yelled the sweet yet commanding voice of Mrs. Weasley as Harry and Ron made their way to Hermione's room, they almost dropped her thinking she would just go to sleep again, so they dropped her, THUD, Harry could swear he herd Herminoe saw OW! But he didn't' say this. " After breakfast we are going to clean this house up." This made Harry and Ron pick Hermione back up and put her in her bed, anything to not clean.

Grimmauld Place seemed even dustier than the day before, and the day before that. It was Ron's 2nd year spending the summer in this house cleaning it with Harry and Hermione and Molly and Arthur and all of those other great people who hadn't died yet.

Harry seemed to be recovering from the fact that the only person who hadn't died in his early years and the only person who really cared about him and had the right to be his legal guardian died just a few months ago, but Ron with his exceptionally low IQ (and he didn't have any alternative Multiple Intelligences to back him up) figured _Harry Must have forgotten_. But once again Ron was wrong. (Well, everyone should get used to the fact that Ron is very frequently wrong, because he is almost always)

2 hours later Hermione entered the room Harry and Ron had been dusting. She tried to begin a nice conversation though it didn't work;

" Well, I don't know about you, but this morning I had the funniest dream" Hermione started.

" Oh yeah- did it involve being psycho and attacking people." Ron joked stupidly.

" No poo-poo pants, I had been awake, in my dream, then I came into your room wearing a pink fluffy bunny dressing gown and banana slippers, only to wake up to find I had been wearing them."

" Well, maybe that's because you went to bed with those pink fluffy bunny thinger ma-bobs on!" And at the same time Ron though _Hermione must be real stupid, for 6 years I thought she was smart I was wrong!!!!_ What Ron had thought was once again wrong.

" NO!!! I will never confess it I did not wear that pink fluffy bunny dressing gown and banana slippers!!"

" OK, now we are past the fact that you did indeed wear those choke clothes. Now why did you wear them is my question?" said Harry surprisingly smartly.

" I don't know, why can't you just believe me?"

" Because we never really have." Said Ron crudely

At that exact same moment Mrs. Weasley came running into the room panting for breath, " Voldemort has been spotted once again he was near here, about 3 blocks away-"

Oh, yay I love frustrating people. Though this cliffhanger isn't very cliffhanger like it is somewhat suspenseful, is it not? Please please please comment on my story, and if you are Weffrey don't be mean to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. The return of Moldywart

Yes Mrs. Weasley is no longer afraid to say Voldemort.

I hope you enjoy my second segment

Chapter 2

Return of MOLDYWART!!!

" Really!!! Three blocks oh this is peachy. Next thing you know You know who is going to be possessing Harry and making him kill people." Said Ron trying not to sound overly sarcastic.

But Ron spoke a little too soon, because at that exact same moment Harry felt a piercing pain in his head. This pain was like having to watch Teletubbies over and over again.

" Make it stop, make it stop. NO not PO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Harry as he fell to the floor. If Harry had been entering a break dancing contest he would have won, but on the other hand he kind of looked like a cockroach having a seizure.

The point is his legs were moving in a fast paced motion causing him to spin on the floor like a dilapidated top.

Eventually Harry had stopped spinning and got up to his feet. His eyes were glazed in a white fog, and drool was seeping through the corner of his mouth. " Why did no one stop me?" he grunted evilly.

" Well, you looked like you were having fun. Is break dancing your new hobby?" asked Ron very stupidly. (As usual)

" You fool," said Harry and at the same time he took out his wand and yelled "Accio Knife!" and a knife the size of Texas cam zooming into his hands. " You mocked me, I have po-er!!!"

" Pow-er." Corrected Hermione.

" no I have the po-er of the Spider Snake thing!" yelled Harry

" I don't like spiders, save me mummy!" yelped Ron and he ran behind his mother, though he had to crouch down about a foot so his head would be covered.

" I am the wonderful Lord Moldywart!!!" yelped Harry (Moldywart)

" Don't you mean Voldemort?" questioned Molly

" No, I am the Lord MOLDYWART!!! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!"

" Now wait I have to record this is my super duper notebook!!" exclaimed Hermione.

" Alright," said the Lord Moldywart, " just remember to say that I Lord Moldywart and my apprentice Wormforbrains are going to kill every last one of with the flick of my Killing wand. Muhahahahahaha!"

Simultaneously Harry, Ron, and Molly had slinked out of the room silently as Moldywart continued on another Monologue.

" As I Moldywart declare, there is going to be the killing of a, wait I am so sorry I don't want to be rude but would it be all right if I call you a mudblood?"

" Er, I am not sure…."

" Well, you know it's part of the whole evil ruler ting, so I kind of have to I am really sorry!!!"

" Well, if you put it that way then it's all right."

" Thank you, and hey where did Harry Potter go? Well, I guess I will just have to kill you, let me pull out my evil killing wand from the Barney-Bag, ah here it is. Ok, I am really sorry it's the whole evil ruler thing, I have to kill you."

" Oh, well, I guess that's all right, wait noooooooooooooooooooooo, I have been fraternizing with the enemy!!!!"

" Yes, muhahahahaha, all part of my evil plan!!!!"

So, what did you think, please please please review I love to hear your comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Consider her Lucky

Thank you all for all of your wonderful reviews!!!!!

So, this segment of my story is going to be awesome!!!!

Clarification on chapter 2: as Moldy wart took over Harry, they separated their bodies so Harry was Harry and Moldywart was Moldywart. 

Here it goes

As Moldywart reached into the Barney Bag Hermione pivoted on her heal and began walking slowly out the door. " Why I almost forgot, you are the smart-one. Lockerium!" Lockerium is a charm used to freeze someone in his or her current position, this charm only lasts for about 30 seconds, however this gave Moldywart enough time to rummage through his bag and find his killing wand.

Simultaneously Harry said, " Boy that was close, I feel sorry for Hermione being trapped in there with the second most powerful wizard alive."

" Yeah it sucks for her." Said Ron not caring about Hermione.

" Now boy's I thought she was here with us? RONALD WEALSY YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUT IN THERE WITH HARRY AND SAVE HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Mrs. Weasley.

" But mooooooom, I don't want to."

" OH come off it, let's just go same Hermione from Moldywart." Announced Harry and they walked back to the room.

As they peered through the crack in the door they saw a very peculiar scene, Moldywart was not hurting Hermione, rather they were having tea together. Wait this is wrong.

As they peered through the crack under the door Harry and Ron saw Hermione being tortured by Moldywart. Ah, yes that's right.

" Now little girl I consider you lucky, because Twiddle-dee and Twiddle- Dumb are outside the door here to save you. I will vanish and you will be alive. Muhahahahahahahahahaha." And in the blink of an eye Moldywart poofed into a puff of smoke leaving only a ripe blueberry in his place. " Oh, whoops," he muttered, "my lunch." (You were able to hear him because he had used an invisibility spell on himself so he was still there, just not visible.)

5 day's had passed and Hermione was still going on and on about how Harry and Ron shouldn't' have left her. They tried to explain that they would rather them live than die so they just sacrificed Hermione, and yet this didn't lighten her mood. It was now only July 17 and there had been rumor of students from other countries coming to live at Hogwarts. This rumor was true.

Another 3 day's passed and then it hit them (Harry, Ron, and Hermione.) they needed their supplies for school. " How could I have been so stupid? I have been planning the exact amount of started ingredients for advanced potions. (For those stupid people, Advanced Potions is a harder type of potions class, and those who cannot interoperate that, well, why are you even reading this story?) Also I need to get some money I am starting to run low."

Harry hated when anyone ever referred to money, he was reminded that he was filthy rich and the Weasley were dirt poor. But anyhow Hermione didn't have any reason to neglect money conversations.

" Yeah, I guess I could give Hedwig some new Owl pellets. Hey, where is Hedwig anyway?" Ron and Hermione shrugged. " Maybe she is just eating some kind of animal that is completely helpless, because that is her nature. Once I saw her devour a cute little rat. There was blood everywhere. It was cool!"

" Well Harry, not that that is lovely, we should get to Diagon alley, I will ask Ron's mom is we can go tomorrow. "

" Ok, we will see you soon, bye." As Hermione left Harry and Ron let out a huge breath as though they had being trying to hide something.

" That was close." Said Harry

" Hell yeah. C'mon we should go to our room maybe it will be ready now." Said Ron

" O.K. I will be right there first I have some business to attend to."

"K." replied Ron, and he walked off into the direction of his room.

When Harry was sure Ron left he walked over to the Painting of Mrs. Black and said, " It's ready Mrs. Black, tell me when."

I hope I didn't disappoint you too much with my ending. I love cliffhangers so should you. I will have a new chapter in a couple of days, well maybe a week because I have homework and stuff so, yeah. Need I say, " Please Please Please Please review my story?"


	4. Invasion of 'like'

Thank you all for reviewing my wonderfully written stories, in case you a kluvhp this is when the plot line begins.

Chapter 4

"Yes Mr. Potter, good work. Activate the master device on the 61st of April."(Yes I know it's not an actual date, it's like the 31st of May.)

" Yes Mrs. Black."

And Harry walked back to Ron's room only to find Hermione there standing next to Ron yelling at him, " RONALD YOU IDIOT!!!"

" Hermione please just calm down," said Harry acting like the supervisor of everybody, " Ron come here and explain to me what is happening."

" Well, er, Hermione said that she didn't care if the exchange students were coming here tomorrow, we just needed to get our stuff now, because mom said we could go now by floo powder, but then I said, why don't we just go tomorrow with the students so they can get their stuff with us, and Hermione's being a real bisnatch." For once in his life Ron was correct he had a point.

Hermione was so outraged at Ron she stormed out of the room saying, " Stupid git, if he had any brains I would take him, oh I will get him for this I will get him."

The Next day seemed to come really fast, at exactly 10:46 AM the first exchange student arrived, she was form the United States, her name was Dana W, (hehehehehehe is Mrs. W reads this: I had good intentions.)Then at 10:57 Kelsey C arrived closely followed by Elise, Veronica, and Kelley. Not one boy came until 10:45 pm; his name was Klaus Baudelaire, wait sorry wrong story. Absolutely no boys arrived as exchange students from the United States, Ron and Harry were so sad it was funny to everyone. They sulked around as if they were two persecuted children.

Each of the girls were quite. Most of them were younger than even Ginny, however the occupant's of the house didn't mind. Dana quickly befriended Ginny, and then Dana befriended Ben A, sorry wrong story again.

" DINNER!!!!!!" Yelled Mrs. Weasley, " Oh great." She said as a rampage of people came stampeding into the kitchen. The dinner was amazing; turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy, and cranberry sauce filled up the table. Harry noticed each of the exchanged students had odd habits, one of which was saying the word 'like' several times in a sentence when it wasn't needed. Another one was they took their hand and combed their hair, a lot.

Besides all of these habit's they were quite enjoyable, Dana had done 'like' every sport in existence, muggle sports that is. Kelsey, Elise, Kelley, and Veronica had all come from the same school, Westridge School for Witches, Dana had come from USC'S' which everyone knows means University of Spooky Creature Studies.

The night was growing late and everyone needed to go to bed. " Well, that was 'like' a very enjoyable 'like' dinner." Said Veronica.

" Yeah, well I am gonna go to bed, because I 'like' need my rest." Said Dana, and Kelsey, Elise, Kelley and Veronica agreed to go to bed as well and they all walked up the stairs to their bedrooms.

" Hey Elise," said Kelley in a whisper as they cam down for breakfast the next morning, " did you hear that wailing sound last night?"

" Yeah it was 'like' really spooky." Replied Elise.

" It 'like' reminded me of a Banshee." Said Dana

" I think it was 'like' an um, um," started Kelsey.

" 'Like' an um, um, what?" said Veronica.

" I'm thinking I'm thinking." Said Kelsey rather sharply.

" I heard it too." Said Harry and Ron simultaneously, and all the girls burst into sudden giggles.

Do you like my story; see I told you the plot line would begin in this chapter. Sorry for all the people names I didn't use tell me and I will try to fit them in. I better see you all review my story.

I heart Camels

The author.


	5. Dana

I think kluvhp is going to be the only person who is able to figure out how to find the chapters without the button thing so, HI KLUVHP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for all of my typos Ms. W!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 5

" Oh, my god, would you all just shut the hell up?" asked Ron.

" Hmmmmmmmmmmm let me 'like' think……….. No." said Kelley with a triumphant smirk on her face. And all of the other girls giggled in appreciation and walked off.

" Nice try Ron, nice try." Said Harry half laughing and half actually feeling sorry.

" What, it's not as if I was trying to impress a girl or anything." Said Ron not completely sure of what he was saying.

" Ummmmhmmmm I believe you, 100 percent." Said Harry still laughing at Ron.

" Well, you know it's not like I like any of them." Said Ron

" Sure you don't." laughed Harry and he began to walk away.

" Hey you don't believe me?"

" Of course I believe you." Said Harry trying to contain his laugh, but it didn't work.

Harry and Ron walked into the kitchen where the girls had claimed the table. Ron looked at Dana; he tilted his head sideways and smiled. Ahhhhhh, how sweet. (In Honor of Ms. W, at least you are not a cockroach.)

" Hey do you 'like' know where the 'like' cereal is?" asked Veronica half annoyed with him because she had been poking him in the back trying to get his attention.

" Oh, yeah sorry, over there, in that cabinet." And he pointed to the left. As Veronica reached the cabinet she looked at Ron tilted her head and smiled. (VV I am so sorry about this but it is so hysterical I cannot contain myself.)

" Everyone, everyone pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!" yelled Kelsey and she stood atop of the table, " Now everyone should know that today we are going to DIAgooooooooooooooooon-" and Kelsey fell off the table, falling onto the chair that Elise was sitting in. Kelley began to laugh, but Dana came rushing to the rescue picking Kelsey up off Elise.

" Oh my god are you 'like' o.k?" Dana said brushing her hand through her hair.

" Oh yeah I'm fine, this 'like' happens to me all the time. I 'like' get used to it." Said Elise quite calmly.

" Oh, er, well o.k. just o, whatever." Dana said and she shook her head and walked over to Kelsey, Kelley and Veronica.

" Oh my god he is 'like' so cute!!!!!!!!!" yelped Veronica. She was obviously referring to Liam Aiken, whoops wrong story.

" You all are too young to be thinking about that." Said Dana very confidently.

" I personally think he should be a cockroach, he is so, 'like' ew." Said Kelley.

" Yeah, we could name him CC the cockroach." Suggested Elise

" Yeah or even Kayla." Said Kelsey

" Hey, that's not nice, I had a friend named Kayla when I was a kid, she was er, interesting." Said Dana then backed away.

" Hey Ron, now you gotta make your move." Said Harry and began laughing hysterically and walked away from Ron. Ron began to panic because Dana was coming by to get her cereal.

" Hey Ron, what's up?"

_What was this slang she was using? What's up? Well obviously the ceiling but what could this mean. _Thought Ron.

" The ceiling." He muttered not sure what to say.

" Oh we have a funny one here do we, well I 'like' hope you have a good day." Said Dana then left the room with her cereal, however she came back about 15 seconds later and said, " I need a spoon, where 'like' are they?"

Ron couldn't think strait so he pointed left.

" Thanks you are such a doll." Dana said, and pinched his cheek.

To this day Ron doesn't know what these slang words mean however he did know something he was a doll. Then again that worried him some, but not enough to hurt his feelings, he was a doll. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, how sweet, Dana and Ron who would have guessed? Not me, isn't that illegal Mrs. W? Whatever.

Please review my story again and again, kluvhp, I so cannot wait to show this to Ms. W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Catfight grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I hated Chapter 6 so I am re-posting it, and this is the edited version. This time around they are not going to go to Diagon Alley, let's just way they went yesterday, for sake of the story.

Kluvhp thx for your tips on how to re-write.

I hope you enjoy

Everyone had just spent the day in Diagon Alley. They were all tired mostly from trying to catch Kelley from going away and looking at the broomsticks. They went to so many stores it was amazing.

(This is important enough to say) They went to Olivanders to get their wand. Each of them received: Kelley: 10in Holly Unicorn hair. Kelsey: 7 3/4 inches Redwood Phoenix feather. Veronica: 12 inches Mahogany leaf of mandrake. And Dana: 9 inches beech wood scale of firecrap. (Now you may or may not be wondering why they needed to get new wands. Well they needed new ones because the wands from America weren't registered in Britain so they wouldn't work. Hence they got new wands. See my point?)

Anyways, as everyone was back at the house tension began to rise between the exchange students. Kelsey and Kelley continued arguing about whom got the bathroom first in the morning, and Veronica and Dana argued about who 'liked' Ron more. (In my perspective-ew- but to each her own Ms. W I couldn't resist this is just too hilarious.)

Eventually Harry and Ron decided that it was time for lunch, so they went down stairs. They took one glance in the kitchen then they began to back away slowly. In the kitchen there was so much arguing that you could barley hear someone next to you, (How they heard the other person's arguments I do not know) once away from the kitchen a girl came up from behind them and pushed them into the Dining room. " Say here!" commanded Elise. " My pressssssssious." (I know it's spelled 'precious' but this is phonetics ok.) Sorry, wrong story.

A couple of minutes later Harry heard an announcement, " Lady's and Gentlemen, are you ready? It's time to face the facts, it's time to learn the fact's because it's time to meet the contestant's who are attempting to win the heart of this… Er… um… uh… guy in the crowd, ladies and gentlemen I present Veronica and Dana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" announced Kelley. The room stayed silent, Harry and Ron weren't sure what was going on, though Ron looked a little like he was in a dream. He tilted his head and smiled.

Elise turned off the light it was pitch black in the room, then suddenly she turned the light's on and off giving the thumbs up sign, another American Slang thing Ron didn't understand.

"Hit the music Kelsey," commanded Kelley, and Kelsey hit and button on some kind of muggle device that looked like it had eyes and a mouth, a little creepy huh.

Dana walked down the 'stage.' (If anyone here has seen the movie Zoolander, that was the face she was doing, 'Blue Steel') Quickly Dana turned around and flipped her head and looks at Harry and Ron and winked. At this Ron fell off his chair THUD. Harry Kelley, Kelsey, and Elise burst into sudden laughter. When Ron got up his face was as red as a cherry. (Yeah, a metaphor.) Dana looked slightly embarrassed as well, however she just turned around and stood at the side of the 'stage.'

Next Veronica walked down the 'stage' she looked abnormally serious. Then she attempted something that even a gymnast wouldn't do (Kyra and Hannah in Honor of you all.) She took her arms and did three back flips. (Luckily she was wearing pants.) Veronica walked to the end of the 'stage' she faced Dana.

They faced each other gave each other the evil eye and began circling around each other. Occasionally one of them would jump towards the other in attempt to scare the other, it never worked. As Veronica and Dana looked at each other there was so much tension. It felt like one of those old western movies, with that weird sound they play when there is a face off. Well instead of drawing guns Veronica and Dana twisted their head's causing their hair to flow this way and that.

If this had been on TV (Another muggle invention) you would have heard sounds of GRRRRRRRRRR and Meow. A catfight yes, that's what this was. As they stood looking at each other Crookshanks crawled between them and said, " Hermione is ill that's why you haven't seen her Ta Ta for now." It was literally a catfight. (I don't know where the talking animals cam into the story, but I needed an excuses for not seeing Hermione.)

" GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Said Veronica.

" Oh you want some of this?" threatened Dana, and she attacked Veronica lunging on her like a lion. Ouch that must have been painful. Veronica struck back with a face slap and then a kick. They were rolling on the floor defending themselves from the others attacks; Veronica clearly favored slapping as opposed to kicking because every chance she got she would slap Dana smack on the face. Dana however enjoyed kicking, in my perspective a more affective way in a battle. As Dana kicked what she though would be her last kick Veronica did a matrix move, and bent her body over backwards just as Dana's kick would have hit her face. Veronica grabbed Dana's leg and flung her backwards over her head. Veronica thought she had one but Dana pulled her ankle and now both of them where on the floor. Eventually they got up to their feet and began moving their hands up and down like sissies.

I would refer to this as a sissy fight neither of them were touching their hand; they were just flailing them around like they were having a seizure. As they flung their hands around carelessly they tilted their heads back and squinted their eye's as if they didn't want to watch.

This seemed so stupid to Harry because not only that they were fighting like sissies, but also that it was over Ron. Ron in Harry's perspective was an idiot and he looked like a frog, and he was not very sensitive.

Ron however was watching this fight very closely; he was amazed at the fact they two girls were fighting over him. Occasionally he took up his fists and pretended as if he were fighting to. Whenever Dana or Veronica got hurt his eyes widened like a kittens, but his eye's weren't cute like a kittens, they were mean, and selfish.

Minutes had passed and Veronica laid on the floor panting for breath. " I guess I won then huh." Said Dana triumphantly. Dana came back into the crowd and next to Ron. Veronica looked up at her in disgust. She thought _Oh she has it in for her. She stole my beloved I will steal something of hers something very valuable, oh I can't wait for that day. Oh Watch he Dana, just watch he. Muhahahahahaha _and she thought the evil laugh of Lord Moldywart.

Did you think it was better? I do, I added some more detail to the fight, and I thought it was o.k. However you are the reader, and I would be flattered if you reviewed my story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME


	7. The blank Page of confusion

I hope people have been reviewing my stories. In this chapter we get into the actual story a little more. Let's re-cap. Veronica is jealous of Dana because she likes Ron, and Ron likes Dana. Kelley, Kelsey, and Elise are happy as bunnies. Harry is depressed because Ron for once is getting all of the attention, and Ron is also as happy as a bunny.

O.K. now you better read my story!

Chapter 7

Moldywart sat in his chair. He stoked Nagini as Wormforbrains got him food.

" Ah yes, do you have my cockroaches Wormforbrains?" stated Moldywart.

" Yes, my master." Replied Wormforbrains.

" Good, feed them to me. NOW!" exclaimed Moldywart.

" Master, I do have a question for you." Moldywart nodded, " well, It's er… um… why did you give me this name? Not to be rude your excellency." Said Wormforbrains and then he cowered into a corner of the room.

" Ah, yes a good question, if I cared." Said Moldywart then apparaited.

The next morning Veronica and Dana had become friends once again. Dana was telling the epic story of how she dumped Ron. It was now Kelley's favorite story.

" We walked to his bedroom and I sat on the bed and said, ' Ronnypoo, I need to tell you something." That's what I said very sweetly. He replied, 'yes Danawana.' Then I said, ' you are a total perv. You need some mental help I am like so sorry.' Then I left the room." Dana must have told this story at least 4 times before Ron came in with Harry.

As they entered everyone burst into sudden laughter. This laughter lasted until Mrs. Weasley cam in and said, " Everyone we must go at once!" Where they were going they didn't know. But hey went non-the less.

September 1st came

The author of this story say's to you, " Ha ha ha, you will never know where they went Muhahahahahaha. Not until later!

This year it was even more difficult getting on to platform nine and three quarters unnoticed. Therefore they entered the station in pairs. First it was Ron Kelley and Elise, then Dana Veronica and Harry. Finally it was Kelsey Hermione and Ginny.

The Hogwarts express seemed even more crowded this year. There seemed to be many exchanged students from all over the world. Dana had the misfortune of bumping into Draco.

" Hello Miss. Can I ask your name?" he said slyly.

" Well I am not sure if you have the physical ability to." Replied Dana and the rest of her friends giggled on and on with her.

At this Draco left. Dana smiled and changed her posture to look taller.

Dana found the rest of her 'posse' and sat with them on the train. This segment of the train was filled with people from all over the world. France, Ecuador, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Afghanistan, Iraq, Egypt, Russia, Germany, Canada, and other countries from all over the world seemed to have gathered to go to Hogwarts.

Why would people from France need to come to Hogwarts? They have their own academy. No one stressed to much, they only reason Veronica could come up with was protection, and the rest of the 'posse' agreed with her.

Sorry about my spelling, it sucks.


	8. Who did you see die?

This is going to be interesting. Something bad is going to happen to one of the characters, and I hope that person is well in the end; I don't think that far ahead.

" Protection, but why would they need protection?" questioned Ron. I am back under my conclusion that Ron is a stupid git who doesn't understand anything.

" Because," Began Kelsey, " there may be trouble in France, there may be trouble in England, there may be trouble everywhere. This may have caused the ministry to seek out a safe place. And the events of last year are hardly a way to convince that the ministry is safe. So they declared apon Hogwarts."

" Very correct, and now I have some conclusions I would like to share with the rest of you. They were placed in Mathematical equations:

Mministry

HHogwarts

Vevil people/ Voldemort

Pprotectors of evil/ Dumbledor

M + V P find place for M to stay.

P + M + conclusion + common sense let's go to H

And if you didn't understand that then go back to kindergarten!" stated Hermione, no one had hear much from her these past few days.

The rest of the train ride was quite. Hermione was showing Dana her equations and Dana made little comments here and there such as, " You spelled that wrong." " Start the sentence there." But Hermione ignored her.

It seemed to take ages to reach Hogwarts, but when they got there they weren't please at all. It was raining hard and there began to be hail as hard as golf balls hitting the ground. Overall the place looked gloomy, not like Hogwarts. Ron had overheard Veronica saying to Dana, " And we came here because?"

" Hey Ron what are those thing's that pull the carriage?" asked Kelley.

" Who did you see die?" questioned Ron immediately.

" Well, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, only my." But Ron never figured out who she saw die because she erupted into tears.

As Kelley, Kelsey, Dana, Veronica, Ron, Harry, and Hermione exited the carriages they separated, Kelsey, Kelley, Veronica, and Dana went into the isle of people that were getting sorted while Harry Ron and Hermione walked to the Griffindor table.

As they stood in anticipation the hat began it's yearly chant:

Together we are here that is

In a hall filled with stone

Now some are welcoming my song this year

However I don't agree (hehehehehe)

Like yearly horoscope, I sit upon a shelf

Waiting until 1st years find me out

I wait and think

I cannot find a better song than this

So suited for the ancient times

Your strong suit will come out

The slyest

The bravest

The smartest

The kindest

Will all soon become?

For as you are all sorted your house

YOU BECOME

GRYFFINDOR for those who are brave and never down at heart

RAVENCLAW for those who can figure our world out

HUFFLEPUFF you are the ones who welcome all to here

And SLYTHERINE the enemy will become, our greatest fear

Question me why don't you

I can never let you down

The cloth that is my wonderus brain is invincible to some.

Evil will come this year

Everyone will have fear

Even those who claim to courage

Will become lamely nourished

My song is now almost done

So I say to all:

This year we won't have fun

With this the sorting hat finished, and everyone looked worried even Dumbledor looked as though he hadn't heard the hat rehearsing this for about 365 days.

" Well, with that lovely note, I will begin to call the names of people so they will be sorted into their proper houses. When I call your name please sit on this stool and put the sorting hat on your head. Veronica Henry!"

Veronica walked up to the stool sat down and placed the hat on her head.

" Yes, hmmmm let me see,……………

I hope you like this chapter, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

REVIEW MY STORY!


	9. LALALALALA

OMG I haven't updated in SO long

……. Veronica hastily sat on the stool. She could tell it was made in New Zealand. (the stool) She could tell this because it was sheep shaped. (Alliterations) The Sorting Hat filed through her mind with ease, she could feel it's evil creepy mind reading powers that will kill the world, cycle through her head.

" Yes, I see, I do believe Hufthefinlaw." And everyone looked at the Hat bewildered. What the fk is Hufthefinlaw, clearly the sorting hat was on crack. Anyway the sorting continued. Though Veronica didn't know were to sit she sat down next to some weirdo-kid who looked like one of the weird people from 'The Wiggles'.

Next to be sorted was a dude named Reely Needs Plast Iqu Surg Erey (in other words 'really needs plastic surgery') Kelsey was called up to be sorted next, as no surprise to anyone she was sorted into Ravenclaw, which angered Veronica most severely because she was sitting at the Ravenclaw table. Next Kelley came, who was sorted into Gryffindork. Then Elise was sorted into Huffn'puff. Then came Dana, who was sorted into Blytherin. Her evil mind was clearly being revealed as she strode over to the table and sat next to …… **author turns head back and forth in order to increase the suspense** ……………….** author turns head back and forth in order to increase the suspense **…………….. Draco Malfoy. (sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.) **people put devil horns on their heads using their fingers**

In History of Laxatives class everybody but Hermione fell asleep. Funnily enough this class seemed to OOZE on by. Everyone decided that the dismissal of class was when Ernie Beenchillin farted, which shockingly enough happen just after Hermione raised her hand to ask a question about where and when to buy Laxatives without being embarrassed. Luckily everyone was asleep so no one heard her actually ask the question, which could have caused Hermione complete and total embarrassment.

Transfiguration class was also a complete bore. All they did in class was talk about how to reduce symptoms of improper transfiguration of the body. An example used more than once was Tretarus Aciddent who by mistake but his but where his head should have been.

Next was Herbology. This class was slightly more interesting then History of Laxatives because of the authors inability to come up with something remotely funny.

However, the castle grew darker everyday, there was something amiss. To everyone it felt like watching the Prisoner of Azkaban just to see the 121 mistakes Alfanzo made. (Emma Watson was actually called Emma on the Screen, lol, also you can see cameras in shots.) Finally After about 20 days of Doom and Gloom a remarkable sun rose from the south.

"What the flippin fairies is the sun doing raising from the South?" question Kelsey as she talked to her new friends, Cucumber Pie.

"A red sun rises, blood has been spilt this knight." Declared Katie Bell, from the top of Gryffindork tower she looked remarkably like Legolas. (I mean seriously, we all know that Legolas is a girl)

The days at Hogwarts (you see I don't even HAVE to make fun of it's name, I mean it COULD be Pigpimples but everyone know that that school already exists elsewhere.) grew ever more steady. People began to disappear, and not return, as most people who disappear don't return. Finally at the end of this really poorly written story, at the end of the school year, only a mere 5 students remained.

Their names were:

Hermione Danger

Hairy Potty

Lone Weasle

Faco Tattletale

And

Orlando Bloom ((DAM (yes that's a beaver dam) WRONG STORY AGAIN))

Sorry about my bad story, I just lost heart in it.


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